Feeling lost: finding your way

What would it take for you to get from where you are right now to where you need to be? And what do you need right now in order to take the next step in your life?

How would you feel if you were told that what you really need is a large dose of confusion and despair? Sounds good, right? Sign me up. This is going to be great! True, it is usually healthy to possess a measure of calm composure and self-confidence, but there are admittedly times in life when this is counterproductive.

Feeling lost can be necessary on occasion in order to find your way. It can help. Lost people fire off their flares and eventually get found. The desperation pays off after all – in the end. And I wonder if feeling completely lost isn’t, more often than not, a standard part of the career and life direction process.

What do you think? Has this ever been the case in your life? Could it be that a profound lack of direction has been the motivating force guiding even now? If so, where would you be without it?

Men, of course, are famous for refusing to stop and ask for directions. They’ll just keep right on driving all over the place. Those men. Hour after hour they’ll grip the steering wheel, block out the increasingly vocal protests in the back seat and drive on – into the night. The situation has to be really, really bad before they finally pull over and ask for help. Have you ever asked yourself why? Part of the answer could be that simply asking for directions has been interpreted as a sign of weakness and – even worse – as an indication of failure. It is that bad. Men assume that there is sure to be a loss of face and a loss of respect if they admit that they are lost.

Feeling lost and being lost isn’t an option. Getting good and lost isn’t one of the standard things to do if you want to make a good impression. And if you do happen to lose your way, this isn’t probably an experience you enjoy talking about…over coffee…with all the other guys. Now let me tell you all about the time when I really made a fool of myself. Men in particular tend to avoid this experience at all costs. No thanks.

In saying this, I am assuming that feeling respected is a basic and legitimate need that men have. Women need to feel respected as well, but not apparently to the same extent. Please note that I am not saying it is okay to treat a woman with disrespect. It is just that being respected is very, very, very important for a man. Ask yourself how important it is on a scale of one to ten. Ask any man you know.

And yet it needs to be said that feeling lost isn’t typically an experience that men or women would tend to value or celebrate. No, this isn’t likely what either sex will feel inclined to sing about when we remember our favorite things.

Sometimes, though, feeling lost is part of the process.

A number of years ago, I had a vivid dream the night before setting out on my first international adventure. Friedrichshafen, West Germany, was my primary destination. There would, however, be stops in Austria, Holland, Switzerland, and Italy. No, I didn’t speak German or any other European languages. No, I had never been to Germany or anywhere else in Europe before. Yes, I would be travelling alone. And no, I didn’t know anyone at the school where I was going to study.

This was sure to be an exciting adventure, but it was also a little scary. It involved being dropped into an alternative universe. To add to the excitement, the stock market decided to crash shortly after I arrived in the old country. How nice.

Without going into the details, my pre-voyage dream was all about feeling lost and out-of-place. Surprised? Probably not. But here is the point: An experience that started out with unpleasant feelings turned out to be one of the best years of my life.

Feeling lost doesn’t have to hurt you. This awkward experience can actually help you.

And how many people can truly say that they have never felt this way?